Contacting a family law attorney is a practical and sensible reaction while you consider what to do. Your attorney can recommend a shelter, help you protect your finances, and ensure that you and your children make a clean break when the time comes.
Preparing to leave an abusive marriage raises lots of questions, which is why you should plan in advance. You need a safe escape plan that doesn’t put you in range for further violence.
Laws against domestic violence are implemented in almost 30 countries from Latin America, but a lot of women are still exposed to domestic abuse. Surveys conducted in different areas show that 10% to 50% of women have reported abuse from their partners. And this is the number for only the reported incidents, the total number of cases is higher.
Strategies that work for escaping an abusive marriage
Deciding to leave a marriage is just the sort of trigger that could change mental abuse to physical abuse. Not all abuse is physical, some is psychological or emotional, so it is important to determine what is normal and what is not. Physical violence including punching, spanking, slapping, and shoving is not normal and is illegal.
It is natural to worry that your actions are partly to blame for triggering the abuse but erase the thought from your mind. Threats, forcing you to have any sexual relations, physical attacks, and prolonged bouts of cursing, yelling, and recriminations are reasons to leave a marriage. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking things will get better; abuse invariably grows worse over time.
Once you have acknowledged the abuse and recognized that things won’t get better, it’s time to develop a solid plan for escaping. You can contact multiple organizations against violence for help, counseling, and ideas. Many of them offer protected living arrangements so that your abuser can’t find you or get inside. Some of the parts of your planning should include:
- Contacting an attorney to discuss your options
- Getting restraining or protective orders in place to prevent contact
- Gathering funds, important documents, passports, driver’s license, and other personal identification
- Making sure you gather all your credit cards, checkbook, and banking information
- Collecting personal valuables and mementos
- Getting a throwaway phone to begin using once you leave
- Finding suitable housing or staying with a trusted friend or relative
- Remembering to gather all information that involves your children if you are taking them with you
Important issues to remember
You’re not at fault, you’ve committed no crime and you really shouldn’t need to sneak away, but the danger of facing up to an abuser is too great to ignore. There are criminal consequences for domestic violence, but it takes some time for the legal process to play out, and you and your family need protection during that time.
According to helpguide.org, keep these thoughts in mind as you prepare to leave the marriage:
- You are not to blame for illegal violence, threats of violence, or consequences of psychological terrorizing that the abuser might use
- Nothing you have done is responsible for your partner’s bad behavior.
- You deserve dignity, respect, and freedom from physical or mental abuse.
- You are not alone because thousands of spouses and partners face the problems of living with domestic abuse.
Tensions will only increase over time
It’s not entirely clear whether anyone truly recovers from abusive behavior, but they may repress the tendencies for a time. According to womenshealth.gov, a respected government agency, you should consider that light physical abuse grows more severe over time. Emotional abuse often transforms into physical abuse.
It doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t really please an abuser, just delay the next beating or instance of emotional abuse. Abuse is not a sign of sexual or emotional intensity. It’s an abnormal response and needs to be treated accordingly.
Contacting a family law attorney is a practical and sensible reaction while you consider what to do. Your attorney can recommend a shelter, help you protect your finances, and ensure that you and your children make a clean break when the time comes.
